August 3, 2005

 

Sources of Inappropriate anger (continued)

 

2)  Anger that results when one’s perfectionist’s demands are not met:

One should try to distinguish between desire for excellence and ‘perfectionist’ traits.  The first is an appetite to achieve high goals that bring a rich quality to

any skill or task; the second is a disturbing compulsion for excessively high

goals.  With the perfectionist, the compulsiveness creates conflict with co-workers or family.

  It is usually agreed that perfectionism grows out of a strong need to control one’s environment.  This ‘need to control’ perfectionism is an distortion of

one’s decision-making abilities.  Where good or wise decisions are made, harmony in life can be enjoyed- Prov.3:21-24.  Yet, believers realize that not all of life can be controlled (perfectionistic desire)—Luke 17:1—and attempts to

make life “perfect” (controllable in all aspects) focuses on human control, rather than trust in the Living God (Prov.3:5-6).  The walk of faith (II Cor.5:7) is reduced to a shadow by the attempt to make everything perfect as viewed

by the perfectionist.

  Prov.10:28 b “the expectation [desire to control life] of the wicked [perfectionist] will perish.”

  Prov.11:9 b “through knowledge [not control] the righteous will be delivered.”

  Prov.15:18 a “A wrathful man stirs up strife.”

Perfectionists are generally strong-willed persons and may possess the “choleric temperament” with its propensity for anger toward less-achievers (Acts 15:37-39).  Perfectionists are also people who have great impact on others and are very self-sufficient.  This self-sufficiency may push people away and impede

relationships.

   The anger generated by such perfectionists is inappropriate in that it is overly demanding (like the bully) and injures those who fail to achieve the level of expectation of the perfectionist.  Here is where the fruit of the Holy Spirit is needed with respect to (Gal.5:22-23) kindness, gentleness and self-control.

The perfectionist needs the restraint of the Holy Spirit to limit his/her attempts to control everything.

 

3) Anger that results from suspiciousness of others:

   This anger comes from a deep distrust of the motives and purposes of even good people.  It likely has its roots in some form of bitterness (Heb. 12:15)

or resentment.  The term for this kind of person is “scorner” or “scoffer”=NKJV.

  Perversely, such a resentful attitude perpetuates itself (Prov.1:22) as it is

fed by the old sin nature and renders the scorner unteachable (Prov.14:6)

causing others to hate the scorner (19:29, 24:9).  Further, God gives the scorner back what he is (Prov.3:34).

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  Correcting a scorner may result in retaliation (Prov.9:8)—clearly, it is difficult to get past this mental attitude sin as it interprets every action (even kindness) as

reason for suspicion.  However, Biblical love is greater and can overcome this evil way of thinking—Romans 12:21—by a consistent and gracious behavior that disarms the bitterness and suspicion.

  For a believer who struggles with this kind of anger, there is a need to seek God’s healing of their heart (Romans 7:14-20) and to accept that just as God loves them, so it is possible for other believers to love them as well (see I Thess.chap.2 for Paul’s description of his behavior to disarm the Thessalonians).  Such angry believers as this may find it difficult to fellowship in a local church as they are suspicious of the other believers.

 

All three sources (selfish demands, perfectionist demands, suspiciousness) have common ground in the sin of personal pride.  In each case, the anger flows from a sense of self-importance that depreciates the wishes and will of everyone else.

The failure of others. to see just how important/wise/skilled the proud person is, results in triggering inappropriate anger.  The Holy Spirit desires to remove such hostility and replace it with inner peace and freedom to love others- Col.3:12-15.